Today my daughter rode two horses bare back at camp. I paid $695 for one week, Monday-Friday, 9-5. When I was 8, having that experience would have fulfilled all my childhood dreams. All I ever wanted was to have a horse, I was obsessed at that age. I spent $931.78 on my dogs. That was a dental cleaning for Olive and a bag of puppy food for Gnocchi. When I was 8 that was two months rent plus some left over.
My childhood memories aren’t super clear until about the age of 8 and honestly those are some of the happier years I can remember. Comparing the parallels between my experience and my daughters always makes me feel like I’m doing an ok job. Mostly I just try to give her all the things I didn’t have without going too far in that direction and spoiling the shit out of her. I have to be aware of not imposing my ideals on her and allowing her to be her own person with her own interests and individuality. Most of my healing has happened since being a mom. I’ve been lucky enough to build a life….. no, fuck luck, I’ve worked my ass off to build a life where I can be worthy of my children and give them a magical childhood. The bar was set kind of low so to them it’ll seem normal but I’m relieved at that thought even. It doesn’t have to be exceptionally good as long as it’s not exceptionally bad.